The Long Shadow of Suicide

I recently read Erin Pavlina’s article The Spiritual Consequences of Suicide and it sounded overly simplistic to me. The way she described the spiritual consequences of suicide, the main necessity was rearranging everyone’s lifetime appointment books, with a nod to the possibility of others “suffering terribly” at having been left hanging without all the scheduled contacts.

I have had two close family members commit suicide so I have a decidedly different perspective. A suicide creates far more havoc than some missing connections and contacts, however painful that lack may be.

Particularly traumatic events actually create a geometrical trauma configuration that simultaneously involves the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies. The nature of such a geometrical trauma configuration is that it cannot be dislodged from one body without at the same time being dislodged from all the other bodies as a single unit.

This surpasses what most healing modalities are able to accomplish. Most healing modalities primarily target one of those four bodies. A few may include one or more of the others as well. Hardly any modalities have the tools to release a geometrical trauma configuration from the four bodies all at the same time. Crystalline Consciousness Technique™ is the only one I know can do this.

As the likely result of suicide is creating multiple geometrical trauma configurations in those left behind, this is no minor karmic consequence for those choosing to commit suicide. The survivors often find themselves struggling with intractable problems which resist all efforts to heal.

In my own case, I had 25 years of nightmares following my mother’s suicide before my healing process managed to eliminate them. And I feel I had the easier time of it compared to my brother who still is spiraling downward from the impact on his life.

A highly sensitive individual, he was seventeen when he found our dad after he died of a heart attack. Seven years later, he found our mother when she shot herself with my brother’s gun. He was both traumatized and guilt ridden as a result.

His lifetime pattern makes no sense unless you postulate that the driving purpose is to maximize his suffering. Then his pattern looks to be utterly successful.

I have had contact with my mother from time to time since her passing. We had been extremely close telepathically before her death, so this should not have been surprising to me. However the first time it happened after her death I found it extremely upsetting.

It did not help matters any that she presented herself in a genderless fashion, which I was in no mood to accept either. As far as I was concerned, my mother was a woman, period. And since she was a dead woman, I was not particularly happy at communicating with her anyway at that time in my life.

She quickly abandoned the genderless presentation, but our communications have not been frequent. Initially she seemed to be in a very white environment which felt similar to a hospital, but that gradually changed over the years. She has a healing process of her own to complete.

I often feel both her and my father show up when my brother is around. They appear to want me to fix their errors with him.

I spent a long time discovering I cannot fix someone else. I cannot live someone else’s purpose for them just because they did not complete it themselves. I can offer a helping hand if someone is actively pursuing their own healing, but otherwise it is a waste of time and energy on my part.

I believe we are responsible for how we use our energies and that we should be putting them where they produce positive results. I finally told both my parents I had not inherited their tasks and that if they felt they had done such a bad job with my brother, it was up to them to fix it, not me.

That did not go over very well with them, but I have had a clearer space around me since then, which has been a most welcome development.

Most of my healing path has required turning my back on the family patterns, which have been horribly distorted and destructive, descending from generation to generation.

My mother was born with a leaky heart valve and not expected to live to adulthood. My grandmother would get angry and yell at her, “Why don’t you die like you are supposed to!”

My mother talked about that a lot in the last six months she was alive. Of course, I am sure my grandmother had her own issues as her mother was not much of a sweetheart either.

I have tried to stop it from cascading down through my daughter and grandchildren. At some point it is necessary to say enough is enough and do something different.

Copyright © Lexi Sundell 2007. All Rights Reserved.

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5 thoughts on “The Long Shadow of Suicide

  1. Ida

    First, I would like to say that I am sorry for each and every loss suffered as a result of suicide. This awful, painful thief of life has to be the most horrible thing to experience–it is for me just to imagine it.
    My 10 years as a psychiatric nurse exposed me to much pain experienced by families and individuals who suffered these types of losses. Grief can be an extremely uncomfortable process, expecially when the loss involves people so near to our hearts, people who are a very part of us. These situations are more than puzzling–more than painful–and leave people with such overwhelming, seizing emptiness which, of course, cannot be sufficiently advised unless experienced.
    I previously had different views about suicide thought, and about whether this form of loss/death was “unforgivable” and I received Wisdom that God truly does forgive everything, expecially our own confusion and painful states of mind and life–especially when it leads us to mistrust Him to the degree that we agree not to trust Him anymore in this life.
    Our recovery from any loss must first begin with trust in our Creator; whether we understand it or not. So often as a result of loss, even when it involves death related to illness or disease, the anger that we live we own; this is the only problem. We must cease from being angry.
    We must forgive–everyone–those who have suffered and died, and those who continue to live; we must forgive ourselves and we must seek forgiveness from the Universe for not trusting in His power to heal and save us. We must not harbor guilt because we continue to live and, that we must again live to enjoy life.
    The key to survival of any loss is to quickly release anger through love and forgiveness; knowing and understanding that we truly are loved by the Creator no matter what happens and that His desire for us is to know that we can trust Him to strengthen us and sustain us no matter what happens. We must turn to Him and receive His power, lovingkindness and forgiveness.
    Lexi, please know that your family need not continue to suffer the losses of your family by the repetition of these incidents. You must belive and trust that God’s plan for your lives will manifest–you must His plan, that it always involves good for you and your family, and speak them, no matter what you feel. Eventually your feelings will line up with what you know–that the Love of God is the most powerful force in the Universe and that He is capable of moving us through any situation and He is capable of breaking the bonds of anything that we may think we will be enslaved to or have to suffer because of something in our past.
    Please practice loving the Creator and yourself; praying to Him and apologizing to Him for not trusting Him; asking His forgiveness and then thanking Him for His miracle of life and love.
    Because, the bottom line is, all that occurs in our lives is at His discretion–our roles in life are simple–to love Him no matter what. Because when we do, we will receive power from Him far greater than what we could have ever imagined and the pain we thought we suffered will turn into the miracle of new love and life that we receive.
    Learn more about the power and The Force of Love at
    I love you. Again, I am sorry. Please receive the blessings of your life God has intented for you enjoy.

    Ida Estelle

  2. Lexi Sundell

    I appreciate your thoughtful reply. Everyone finds their own way to deal with the experiences they have, and you offer some options in your writing.

    I would say that true forgiveness only comes after healing the original wound, forgiveness prior to that healing is too often a phony band aid pasted over a festering mess. The rush to forgiveness skips some necessary steps, although it is a necessary step as well.

    I again thank you for your heartfelt response.

  3. Adam Pick

    Hi there,

    That’s pretty interesting regarding your mom’s leaky heart valve. I was born with messed up heart valve that leaked all over the place.

    I just had it fixed via open heart surgery. Not fun. But, I guess I’ll be living a lot longer.


    Leaky Heart Valve

  4. fashion

    The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I mean, I do know it was my choice to learn, however I really thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you might repair for those who werent too busy searching for attention.

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